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Best Friends Forever: A Magic Moment

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I’ve written before (here, and also here) about how Ellie seemed to be going through a ‘girly’ phase, how she’d told Jake that he was no longer her best friend, & that it was instead a girl from their little playgroup.  Jake seemed a bit sad when she told him, as he said Ellie was still his best friend.

On Saturday while I was in the kitchen making lunch for them, I heard this wafting in from the lounge:

Jake: “So I’m your best friend now?”

Ellie: “Yes”

Jake: “I’ve always loved you”

Ellie: “And I love you”

I walked in on a great big cwtch.

My eyes met with Jake’s & we shared a smile…

Definitely a Magic Moment :)

For more magic moments just click the pic:

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How to Stop a Fight Between Twins: A Magic Moment

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Yesterday morning, first thing: Jake & Ellie were up, sitting on the sofa & sipping their morning milk as usual.

The Mummy & I were both briefly upstairs.

There was a commotion downstairs: shouting, crying; you probably know the sort.

The Mummy was ‘indisposed’ so I was first on the scene…

Jake was crying, & when I asked him why he said: “She pushed me, & hit me in the eye!”

“Ellie, did you hit Jake?”

(Grudgingly): “Yes”.

“Why did you do that?”

“He hit me!”

“Jake, did you hit Ellie?”

“Yes! But…but…she wouldn’t let me play with…..<insert toy name here>!”.

“But that doesn’t mean you should hit her, does it?”

I eventually managed to establish that Ellie had a toy that Jake saw as his, he tried to take it, she resisted…yadda yadda yadda…crying & shouting. And that Ellie didn’t mean to hit Jake on the eye.

So I did the usual “Jake, I want you to say ‘sorry’ to Ellie” & “Ellie, I want you to say ‘sorry’ to Jake”, along with some “I’m sure Ellie didn’t mean to hit you in the eye; it was an accident”, sort of thing.

There was some Resistance. Feelings were running deep.

I must have been under some sort of inspiration, as I’d only just emerged from slumber & hadn’t had so much as a sniff of caffeine. First thing in the morning I’m generally doing well if I can remember my own name. Maybe I’d had an illuminating dream, I don’t know!

I said to Jake: “Jake, why don’t you just go over to Ellie & say you’re sorry? You love her, don’t you? And she loves you. She’s your friend. I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you”; and the same to Ellie.

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This photo is one I prepared earlier, but a Magic Moment nonetheless :)

They responded! Jake first, smiling as he said “Yeah”, then sidling over to Ellie.

They both said sorry to each other, then embraced & kissed. I’m sure I heard an “I love you” or two as well…

A real ‘Magic Moment’.

I’m linking up for the first time with Jaime’s ‘Magic Moments’ blog-hop on her “The Oliver’s Madhouse” blog. For more Magic Moments just click the pic:

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Happy Birthday Matilda Mae

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Matilda Mae is one today

She really should be here

One starry night she went away

To the skies, so bright & clear

Although she can’t be here with us

We can still reach out a hand

And tell the world she’s in our hearts

With a message in the sand

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click to enlarge

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Happy Birthday Matilda Mae

We will always remember you

I have joined with many other bloggers in showing some birthday love for Matilda Mae & her loving family. You can see more here.

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School! When did this happen?!

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We were really proud of Jake & Ellie yesterday.

They had a dental check-up first thing. We managed to get there in good time after pulling out all the bribery & corruption stops in getting their teeth cleaned!

When there we found some great books that we enjoyed before going in. Jake & I are still waiting to hear what happened to the terrible pirate who got seagull-poo in his eye…

On the dentist’s chair they thought it was all a hoot, & actually seemed to enjoy having their teeth examined. They really enjoyed the retro-style dark glasses too. I just wish I’d taken some photos: they looked very coool.

Their teeth are fine, by the way: Jake has all his & Ellie has her last one coming through. We had suspected she’d been teething recently.

In the afternoon we went to our first meeting at the primary school where they’re starting pre-school next month! The presentation was a little chaotic, to be honest, & we couldn’t hear a lot of it due to nearby noisy children. But the staff were very pleasant & seem competant, & the facilities seem excellent.

We were so pleased though that Jake & Ellie really enjoyed themselves, & seemed at home straight away. It helps that their 3 friends from Karen’s little group are there too. We planned it that way, & it’s the reason we chose this school.  I so love it that they have been & are making good friends like this.

Ellie especially seemed as if she’d been there all her life: she loved it! After only a few minutes it was “‘My school” this, & “My school” that; “My school has milk and biscuits!” she said to me excitedly.  She cried when we had to leave, so we let her play in the playground for a few minutes.

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Jake could be heard laughing loudly from the adjacent room while playing at the sand-table. He then became slightly fixated at the unfeasibly large numbers of Spider-Man action figures there, and introduced himself to everyone by backwards bear-walking between the seated parents & the projection screen, then back again! He was being Spider-Man, obviously.

They were even well-behaved in the supermarket afterwards.

I love these little guys! All the time, obviously, but I feel especially fond of them when they make us proud like this.

I still can’t get over how grown-up they are now too. They’re little people now, no longer the helpless little babies they once were.

Times change, & life goes on…

My life, now

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For the last 2 days I’ve been at the old house near Brum.

I drove there from here in south Wales yesterday, drove back today.

Just got in, actually.

On the drive in, especially, it didn’t feel safe. I was in our second car, the one without the car-seats. Our old Ka, probably soon to be any-car-dot-commed.

Particularly on the M4 I could feel myself being blown around by the gusty winds, even while driving slowly. Then once in England the roads became icy, with drifting snow, & snow falling onto me from trucks & cars in front. Then approaching Birmingham there was dirty sleet & salt from the road spraying the windscreen & making it hard to see.

Thoughts go through your head at times like these, unbidden. You try to ignore them but they’re there anyway, forcing themselves to the surface, tugging away at your consciousness.

“What-if” type thoughts.

A few years ago it would have been: “I’m too young to die!”

A bit later: “I don’t want to die!”

But the thought that comes now is: “Jake and Ellie can’t lose their father!”

Right foot eases up, left foot ready, eyes alert…

Times change, and life goes on

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Bond, the Sequel: The Twin Who Loved Me

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Last week I wrote a post for Tara’s Gallery on her terrific ‘Sticky Fingers’ blog about the special twin-bond between Jake & Ellie. It seemed at the time that Ellie, as they get older & more independent, had become a little distant from Jake as she was making new friends.

Well…

They go through phases, don’t they? Or maybe she had the lurgi & we didn’t notice so much. Or quite possibly Ellie just likes to prove me wrong!

Whatever the reason this week she’s been really loving & affectionate, not only with Jake but also with me.

I’ve been picking them up from their little playgroup this week. Usually when I do Jake gets really excited & runs towards me shouting “Daddy! Daddy! You’re back!” before jumping into my arms. Ellie is usually more reserved, but this week she’s been beating Jake to it, welcoming me with a big hug.

As usual this morning she woke up first & went downstairs ‘on her bum-bum’, then Jake followed a little later, in the same way. As soon as she saw him she ran up to him, saying happily: “Hello Jake! Are you alright?” then giving him a massive hug. Twice in the morning she hugged him again, saying “I love you, Jake”.

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It’s moments like that that make all this Daddying stuff worthwhile…

The “best friend” thing is still there, although I found out just after that post that only girls can be Ellie’s friends – I’m not even her friend now! – so I guess Jake & I shouldn’t take it too personally. At the moment Jake’s best friend seems to alternate between a boy at playgroup – who, by sheer coincidence, has an iPad that he lets Jake use* – and Wibley Pig. Who, as far as I know, doesn’t have an iPad.

Actually they’ve both been in unusually good spirits all week. Often there’s grumpiness & tantrums in the mornings & evenings but in the last few days there’s been very little. I’m not really sure what it is: recovering from illness, our having had a nice 3-day family weekend where we spent a lot of time & did a lot of fun things together.

In the light of the terrible tragedy of a fellow parent blogger who I’ve come to know over the years I’ve felt moved to give them extra care & attention, so that could well be a part of it.

Whatever the reason, long may it continue

* For short periods of time & under supervision

What We Can Learn From Jimmy Savile

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The Police & the NSPCC yesterday revealed the results of their investigation into sexual abuse by Jimmy Savile. The extent of it was even worse than feared: 450 complaints, 214 reported crimes – including 34 of rape – throughout his life over a period of 50 years: at the BBC, in schools, in hospitals & even a hospice; against victims as young as 8.

I suppose, for legal reasons, I should add to all this: “Allegedly”. He could only have been convicted while alive.

Awful! Awful that so many people, mostly children, were abused by one man.

Awful that the abuser was trusted, even loved; was seen as a friend of children, as a generous man who gave greatly of his time & money.

Awful that the abuse went on for so long & in so many places.

Awful that he was never formally investigated in his lifetime, let alone charged, let alone convicted. He got away with it.

But how?

Tragically he said it himself, to one of his victims: “I’m Mr Magic: you can’t say anything about this. No-one will believe you”.

He was right. His victims mostly didn’t say anything because they thought they wouldn’t be listened to. Those who did come forward were either ignored or not taken seriously.

I think there’s a lesson here, not just in relation to predatory perverts, but as a general rule for us all – especially those of us who are parents.

We must listen to our children.  We must give them the respect & attention they deserve, and need.

“Children are to be seen & not heard”. That just doesn’t cut it anymore. It’s attitudes like that that can create the conditions for abuse & neglect to take place.

Children are not some sort of sub-species, nor ‘second-class citizens’. They’re people like us, little people, growing people. Human beings, just smaller & less developed.

Children need attention, especially our attention, their Mums & Dads, their carers. They need to know that we’re there for them when they need us to be. They need to know that we have time for them when they need it. They need to be able to tell us what they need.

I’m convinced that a child who is listened to & respected is a happy child.

We’ve tried to do that with our twins, & I like to think that they’re happy & doing OK. So far so good.

So when that little baby cries, go to him, see what’s wrong. See what he needs & provide it. We’re the only ones who can. Crying is the only way he can communicate. Change his nappy, feed him, help him sleep, play with him, cuddle him, give him medicine, take him to the Doctor – whatever he needs.

When that toddler plays up, go to her. Often it’s just a cry for attention. Play with her, talk to her, read with her. Give her boundaries;  let her know right & wrong by word & deed.

When that pre-schooler wants to show you his latest artistic masterpiece from Nursery, give it your attention. Praise him for his efforts. Even when his drawing of Mummy looks more like the creature from the Black Lagoon, extra mutanty, on a bad day. He needs your approval.

When she comes home from school, (and I’m going beyond my level of experience here), & complains about “what she said” listen to her, no matter how silly or trivial it seems. When she needs help with homework try to make time for it.

And so on.

It’s not easy. It can be hard, really hard. Being a devoted parent takes time, it can be tiring, emotionally draining, at times maddening. Also rewarding, joyful, fulfilling!

But it’s what they need, what they deserve, & what we can give them. Happy, balanced children are more likely to become happy, balanced adults –  & that’s good for all of us.

What Christmas Means to Me

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I really like Christmas. It’s sentimental, I know, but I just really like it.

I am hardly religious: I’d rather break bread with Dawkins than Desmond Tutu, to be honest.

And yes, I have all of the usual objections to consumerism, the commercialisation of an ancient religion; to the westernisation of a dead Palestinian press-ganged into selling Playstations and beer.

But I still really like it.

I’m looking forward to Christmas, ‘though I’m not expecting a visit from Jesus. I’ll be seeing my dad, my brother and sisters, my gran and my mum. They’ll be drinking white wine in the sun.

I don’t go in for ancient wisdom. I don’t believe just because ideas are tenacious it means that they’re worthy. I get freaked out by churches: some of the hymns that they sing have nice chords but the lyrics are dodgy.

And yes, I have all of the usual objections to the mis-education of children who, in tax-exempt institutions, are taught to externalise blame, and to feel ashamed and to judge things as plain right and wrong.

But I quite like the songs.

I’m not expecting big presents. The old combination of socks, jocks and chocolate is just fine by me, ‘cos I’ll be seeing my dad, my brother and sisters, my gran and my mum. They’ll be drinking white wine in the sun.

And you, my baby boy & girl, my jet-lagged infant son & daughter: you’ll be handed around the room like puppies at a primary school. And you won’t understand, but you will learn someday that wherever you are and whatever you face these are the people who’ll make you feel safe in this world, my sweet wide-eyed twins.

And if, my sweet babies, when you’re 21 or 31, and Christmas comes around and you find yourself 9000 miles from home you’ll know whatever comes your brother and sister and me and your mum will be waiting for you in the sun. Whenever you come your brother and sister, your aunts and your uncles, your grandparents, cousins and me and your mum, we’ll be waiting for you in the sun.

Drinking white wine in the sun, darlings, when Christmas comes we’ll be waiting for you in the sun, drinking white wine in the sun, waiting for you in the sun, waiting for you…

Waiting…

I really like Christmas. It’s sentimental, I know…

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Not my words – I wish! – they’re by the brilliant Australian comedian / musician / all-round good-guy Tim Minchin from his song ‘White Wine in the Sun’. I’ve only editted them for repetition & a little personalisation, but I really couldn’t have expressed what Christmas means to me much better!

It’s being released as a single on December 1st, proceeds going to the National Autistic Society.

Here it is in full, performed live during Children in Need:

Beautiful, profound, brilliant, right? So let’s make it Christmas number 1!

It’s sentimental, I know, but I just really like it :)

#TimMinchinXmasNo1

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Flying Solo, Part 2

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Well we moved to our tiny little house in Wales so that the Mummy could spend less of her time commuting & more of it with the twins.

Life has its little ironies doesn’t it? Every now & then she has to go to north Wales, & today was one of those days. The roads between north & south Wales are really slow: winding, mostly single lane, over mountains & through valleys. It’s actually quicker to get to the north on the motorways from our old home in the Midlands!

She had left home before the twins were awake. They were with ‘Karen’ & her little group between 8.30 & 3, but it was still up to me to get them up, washed, dressed, make their breakfast, prepare their lunches, pack their bags & meet any ad-hoc needs that arise. It all went without incident, although it was obviously a mistake trying to feed myself as well. Next time I either get up earlier or don’t eat!

When I picked them up at 3 I was welcomed by running hugs & shouts of “Daddy!” by 2 happy little children. I love that. There had been a couple of minor upsets – Ellie seemed a bit wary of a new older boy there – but overall they’d had a great time.

For once the sun was out today! We spent a lot of the rest of the afternoon rolling around in the grass in our tiny garden. We had fun, inside & out, but they are still really demanding. They’re physically very capable, they’re smarter & are becoming very interested in asserting their independence & a lot less interested in being told what to do & having their lives run for them. I believe it’s called ‘The Terrible Twos’.

I mean no disrespect at all to parents of single children, or even of 2 or more of different ages – diligent parenting of any flavour deserves maximum respect in my opinion –  but I’m convinced that looking after twins has a difficulty level several magnitudes higher. And triplets? I can’t imagine that!

“You want some water? OK, I’ll get you some water”- “Oh Jake – did you hurt your knee? I’m coming!” – “It’s OK Ellie: it’s just a worm, it won’t hurt you” – “You finished your grapes? Yes, I can cut up some more” – “Yes, you want some water” – “You want some water too? OK” – “You’re stuck? Just a minute, I’m coming” – “Jake don’t take that, Ellie is playing with it” – “Ellie, don’t hit Jake!” – “Yes, I’m getting your water” – “And grapes” – “Ellie’s on the trampoline now, Jake, you can have a turn soon” – “Don’t eat that please – it’s really dirty!” – “Mummy will be home after dinner”. And so on.

And this is when they’re playful & happy…

By dinnertime I was already pretty tired. That however went amazingly well: for the first time I can remember they both pretty much cleared their plates! And I’ve no idea why! After a very silly fight over the trampoline it seemed obvious they were getting tired, so I resorted to the tried & tested: “Who wants cake?”. Fight over, instant attentiveness.

Luckily I did actually have some!

Ellie had been complaining of tiredness even before dinner so we headed upstairs quickly. Then it got chaotic. They were fighting over nearly everything: my battery checker, the baby monitor, my (out of juice) phone, anything. Running around, chasing, shouting “Mine!” “No, mine!”, snatching, tantrums. I was forced into “If you’re going to fight over it nobody’s having it!” confiscation mode. I think they were both not only overtired but also missing their Mummy.

There was also a poo incident, of which I’ll spare you the details. The cushion cover is beige; I’m pretty sure it’s washable…

Well I somehow managed to get them in their sleepsuits, in bed & with their milk without any major injuries or damage. As usual I read them a bedtime story. Now they’re fighting over ownership of the animals in the bleeding book!! “My bear” “No my bear!”, “My bee!” “No my bee!”. There are actually 2 bees, 1 each. The logic of this suggestion just doesn’t seem to register.

I have to admit at this point I got cross! “Please stop fighting! Both of you!”. I didn’t shout, but my voice was raised. And thankfully they seemed to calm down. Although most likely out of pity for poor struggling Daddy.

And we never got to finish the story. Will Rabbit find a new home? We may never know!

Then I accidentally managed to send them off to sleep with a laugh & smile! I asked if ‘pretty please’ could I go to sleep now? “Pretty please? With cheese?? And peas?”. Adding words 1 at a time that rhyme & were (sort-of) food-related. “And beans?”, “And grease?”. I was tired, OK? ”And sneeze?”.  And was getting a little silly. Ellie especially found this hilarious & was soon asleep with a smile on her face, looking at me with an expression that seemed to me to be one of pure love. Jake, putting up his usual fight, followed soon after.

They’re very trying at times, these twins of ours, but it’s moments like that that make it all worth it & that remind me why being their Dad is still the best job in the world ever.

Poor Mummy though! She arrived home after they were fast asleep on my shoulders & so didn’t actually get to see them at all today. She tucked into the dinner I’d left in the oven while I stayed with the sleeping beauties so she could spend some much-needed QT with her friend Dexter.

So: Phew! This is a big week workwise, so I may have to do this again very soon! At least we know we can do it anyway.

There are flights to the North aren’t there? Or maybe we could hire a chopper? Anyone know how much that costs? Sigh…

This post is not only for The Crumby Mummy’s ‘Terrible Twosday’ blog hop but also for this month’s Multiple Mayhem Carnival. Have a look at them both: there are always great posts there!  Just ‘click the pics’.

MultipleMummy

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Music Monday: Our Week in Music

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I’d mentioned that since moving to Wales we’ve been taking the twins to a pre-Nursery group for 4 days a week. We were anxious about how they would adjust to being away from us for the first time in their lives but we needn’t have been: they love it! One of the things they seem to enjoy the most there is a giant buggy-bus  the host has. It’s more like an old-fashioned stage-coach than a baby buggy. It comfortably seats 4,  & probably 6 at a pinch, they can sit side-by-side or facing each other, it has a fold out table in the middle for snacks & meals, it can be open-top or covered. They love being in it & being driven all around town, & often get very stroppy when it’s time to come out! So here’s to the Magic Bus!

In the same post I wrote about how proud I was that they both are often so loving,  affectionate & sociable, & wondered if it was at least in part due to our putting into practice Attachment Theory; or as I called it, rightly or wrongly, Attachment Parenting. So here’s the stunningly beautiful song that gave the blog post its title:

On Wednesday night I was  looking back at old videos & I came across a gem I hadn’t seen before from May last year when Jallie were only 15 months old, which I posted the next day. They were playing a hilarious game of tug-of-war with a pair of the Mummy’s tights that had been accidentally left there. I had Classic FM on & the background music seemed to provide a great soundtrack to the action. So here’s the tune in full, the high drama of Holst’s ‘Mars, Bringer of War’ from his Planets suite, with images of Mars via NASA:

Then on Friday I made a tongue-in-cheek, last-minute, impassioned – and I suspect ultimately futile – plea for your vote in the MADS blogging awards, highlighting ‘my campaign team’ s policies in action from the last year or so. So of course here’s Alice Cooper: “I wanna be Elected!”

On the weekend we found 2 great new fun places for the twins, & us, to enjoy. Firstly, a really well-designed soft-play area, probably the best we’ve ever seen. They like to play!

Then on Sunday it was Folly Farm, a farm and children’s adventure playground that had just about everything: farm animals, indoor & outdoor zoos, soft play, adventure play, playgrounds, an indoor fairground, even a real digger that Jake & I had a go on. It was terrific, the only problem being that it’s in Pembrokeshire, over an hour away. And that they didn’t have the tiger that their brochures indicate they do, which left a 2-year-old boy feeling very let down.

So there’s our week in music: hope you enjoyed it at least as much as I did!