Then click on the little boy’s head here & you will be magically transported to the funsome Mammasaurus’ blog for many more pictures crying out for a witty / pithy #satcap caption.
There was a lot of magic in the air this morning.
In the car on the way to playgroup, using a PlayDoh stamp as a wand, Ellie decided to turn Jake into a Princess.
Jake wasn’t too happy about this.
“No! I’m Jake!”
“I turned you into a Princess!”
“No! I don’t want it! I’m Jake!”
“You’re a Princess!”
And so on…
I felt I had to intervene. A full-blown magic battle can get ugly: I’ve seen ‘The Sword in the Stone’!
“Ellie, Jake doesn’t want to be a Princess; could you turn him back into Jake please?”
Princess Jake was still protesting, so I repeated my request.
Ellie: “I have!”
“OK, thank you, good girl”
Fortunately Jake was able to confirm his change of status, & seemed happy with his current form.
So much so that he decided that he needed to do some magic too. I’m not sure what he was using as a wand; I think it was a ‘Horton Hears a Who” DVD. I hear improvised magic is often the most effective!
He wanted to turn me into a frog. I’m not sure why.
“Jake, I don’t think you should turn me into a frog while I’m driving. Frogs can’t drive can they?”.
He seemed convinced by this so for the rest of the journey, as far as I know, nobody was turned into anything that they didn’t want to be.
Winter’s back here, it’s cold & wet. As we got out of the car we got hailed on.
So once inside, & after a bit of very British complaining about the Weather, Karen & I got Jallie to do a magic dance to bring the Sun back. So when it gets sunny again you know who to thank!
Dangerously there was an actual Harry Potter wand there. Or possibly it was a stick from Karen’s garden; I’m not sure. Either way it looked the part, so after a couple of well-cast “Expelliarmus” spells from Jake I found myself back home much sooner than I expected!
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We had a rather telling – I think – moment this morning.
We were watching Nick Jr. when that ‘Go Compare’ ad came on where Gio Compario (yes, I know his name; I am that sad)* is sitting at a bus-stop having a whinge to an old lady. Exactly how he escaped Stephen Hawking’s black hole isn’t made clear, but never mind…
Now he only sings a single, brief ”Go compare!” in that ad. I’ve checked.
Immediately after it finished Jake started happily singing – well, I think you know.
I’m really not sure whether I should be utterly horrified or very proud.
Actually I think I’m a little of both.
* He’s really opera singer Wynne Evans, from Carmarthen in Wales. He was in town performing recently, and I hear he’s rather good.
Note: This is not a sponsored post. But if anyone wants to send me any money that’s fine…
- Stephen Hawking Kills Off GoCompare Singer In Ad (news.sky.com)
We were watching a DVD where a bunch of kids & their teacher were singing & dancing, which Jallie were really enjoying. The teacher, a quite chunky lad, dresses up in character for the songs. For this one he was dressed as a lady, a rather well-padded lady.
Ellie, ever observant, says: “She’s fat!”
I didn’t have a lot of time to worry about where she picked this up from, & about her getting body-image problems before the age of 3, because she straight away followed up with:
“I’m not fat. I have boobies”.
Right, ummm, yes… Daddy was a bit lost for words.
Jake, however - who I proudly like to think has an inquiring mind – was a bit sceptical about this, & approached Ellie confidently. “You don’t have boobies”, he says.
“Yes I do” replies Ellie, lifting up her T-shirt to prove it.
“No you don’t. You have a mini”.
Ellie: “I have a mini and boobies”, lifting up her T-shirt again.
Jake: “You just have a mini. I have a willy”.
“You have a willy. I have a mini. And boobies” (T-shirt comes up again).
“I have a willy. You have a mini. You don’t have boobies”.
“I’m a girl. Girls have boobies. I have boobies”, responds Ellie, with a grasp of logic that makes me smile.*
“‘I’m a boy. I have a willy. I don’t have boobies”: also quite hard to argue with.
This went back & forth for a bit, then:
“You have a tummy-button”, poking the appropriate place as an offer of proof.
“You have a tummy-button”, also poking appropriately.
Then they went back to enjoying the singing.
Like good scientists they were able to respect each other’s contrasting point of view & to disagree amicably, then move on to find an area of agreement.
I’m pretty sure that’s how the structure of DNA was discovered isn’t it?
I’ve got that Mr Nobel‘s ‘phone number on speed-dial now, just in case…
* Yes, I know it’s a ‘non-sequitur’. Any concept that we can’t even give a proper English name to shouldn’t have to be explained to a 2-year-old, in my opinion
Jake’s reluctance to stop doing whatever he happens to be enjoying seems to be getting worse.
He’d needed to have his nappy changed for some time & had resisted all our efforts at doing so. If he was a Sim he would have had a huge cloud of green gas following him around wherever he went.
We knew it was a bad one as for some time he’d been walking around like John Wayne after a 24-hour horse-ride. Over shingle. Also at one point we’d caught him leaning against the door-frame doing his best Samson impersonation. Not to mention that when we said “Jake, have you done a poo?” he said “No, I doing it!”. Which is unusual, as usually he denies all knowledge.
The Mummy & Ellie had gone upstairs to get ready for bed; we told Jake that if he wanted to join them Mummy had to come downstairs to change him first. (The division of labour in our house for such things is generally that the Mummy does the nappies & I do the potties).
He finally decided he would go up – ‘Wild Columbia with Nigel Marven’ just wasn’t doing it for him I guess – so the Mummy was set to come down & do the business.
“No!”, he cried, “I want Daddy to change my nappy!”.
I’m always prepared to take one for the team, so reluctantly I agreed & shouted the good / bad (depending on your perspective) news upstairs.
But no! Then it was: “I want Ellie to change my nappy!”. At which point of course I realised that this had just been a delaying tactic. Or a joke. Probably both.
What was that about being outsmarted by a 2-year-old?
This new development was again faithfully relayed upstairs. Mostly because I thought it was very funny.
The look of shock, surprise, confusion & horror on Ellie’s face was, I’m told, priceless. But, little trooper that she is, she straight away appeared at the top of the stairs to say: “I’ll be there in a minute! We’re watching Goldilocks”.
She would have had a go too; I just wouldn’t want to be there to see it. Or worse, to clean up afterwards.
I did get to enjoy the privilege of changing him after all, & yes: it was very messy & very smelly. And then Jake trotted off upstairs. Where they all enjoyed watching Goldilocks, probably. And I had to go out into the cold & the pouring rain, in the dark, trudging through the mud & long grass to the bin at the bottom of the garden carrying a very smelly nappy & its associated detritus.
Ah well, at least I still have Nigel…
Update: This morning I suggested to Jake that he change Ellie’s nappy; he was having none of it. And if I hear anyone say “typical man!” I shall be cross…
Update 2: Today we ended up watching most of 2 episodes of ‘Wild Colombia with Nigel Marven’ & we all really enjoyed it. The twins especially liked the bit where a snake bit our Nigel on the nose.
Well we moved to our tiny little house in Wales so that the Mummy could spend less of her time commuting & more of it with the twins.
Life has its little ironies doesn’t it? Every now & then she has to go to north Wales, & today was one of those days. The roads between north & south Wales are really slow: winding, mostly single lane, over mountains & through valleys. It’s actually quicker to get to the north on the motorways from our old home in the Midlands!
She had left home before the twins were awake. They were with ‘Karen’ & her little group between 8.30 & 3, but it was still up to me to get them up, washed, dressed, make their breakfast, prepare their lunches, pack their bags & meet any ad-hoc needs that arise. It all went without incident, although it was obviously a mistake trying to feed myself as well. Next time I either get up earlier or don’t eat!
When I picked them up at 3 I was welcomed by running hugs & shouts of “Daddy!” by 2 happy little children. I love that. There had been a couple of minor upsets – Ellie seemed a bit wary of a new older boy there – but overall they’d had a great time.
For once the sun was out today! We spent a lot of the rest of the afternoon rolling around in the grass in our tiny garden. We had fun, inside & out, but they are still really demanding. They’re physically very capable, they’re smarter & are becoming very interested in asserting their independence & a lot less interested in being told what to do & having their lives run for them. I believe it’s called ‘The Terrible Twos’.
I mean no disrespect at all to parents of single children, or even of 2 or more of different ages – diligent parenting of any flavour deserves maximum respect in my opinion – but I’m convinced that looking after twins has a difficulty level several magnitudes higher. And triplets? I can’t imagine that!
“You want some water? OK, I’ll get you some water”- “Oh Jake – did you hurt your knee? I’m coming!” – “It’s OK Ellie: it’s just a worm, it won’t hurt you” – “You finished your grapes? Yes, I can cut up some more” – “Yes, you want some water” – “You want some water too? OK” – “You’re stuck? Just a minute, I’m coming” – “Jake don’t take that, Ellie is playing with it” – “Ellie, don’t hit Jake!” – “Yes, I’m getting your water” – “And grapes” – “Ellie’s on the trampoline now, Jake, you can have a turn soon” – “Don’t eat that please – it’s really dirty!” – “Mummy will be home after dinner”. And so on.
And this is when they’re playful & happy…
By dinnertime I was already pretty tired. That however went amazingly well: for the first time I can remember they both pretty much cleared their plates! And I’ve no idea why! After a very silly fight over the trampoline it seemed obvious they were getting tired, so I resorted to the tried & tested: “Who wants cake?”. Fight over, instant attentiveness.
Luckily I did actually have some!
Ellie had been complaining of tiredness even before dinner so we headed upstairs quickly. Then it got chaotic. They were fighting over nearly everything: my battery checker, the baby monitor, my (out of juice) phone, anything. Running around, chasing, shouting “Mine!” “No, mine!”, snatching, tantrums. I was forced into “If you’re going to fight over it nobody’s having it!” confiscation mode. I think they were both not only overtired but also missing their Mummy.
There was also a poo incident, of which I’ll spare you the details. The cushion cover is beige; I’m pretty sure it’s washable…
Well I somehow managed to get them in their sleepsuits, in bed & with their milk without any major injuries or damage. As usual I read them a bedtime story. Now they’re fighting over ownership of the animals in the bleeding book!! “My bear” “No my bear!”, “My bee!” “No my bee!”. There are actually 2 bees, 1 each. The logic of this suggestion just doesn’t seem to register.
I have to admit at this point I got cross! “Please stop fighting! Both of you!”. I didn’t shout, but my voice was raised. And thankfully they seemed to calm down. Although most likely out of pity for poor struggling Daddy.
And we never got to finish the story. Will Rabbit find a new home? We may never know!
Then I accidentally managed to send them off to sleep with a laugh & smile! I asked if ‘pretty please’ could I go to sleep now? “Pretty please? With cheese?? And peas?”. Adding words 1 at a time that rhyme & were (sort-of) food-related. “And beans?”, “And grease?”. I was tired, OK? ”And sneeze?”. And was getting a little silly. Ellie especially found this hilarious & was soon asleep with a smile on her face, looking at me with an expression that seemed to me to be one of pure love. Jake, putting up his usual fight, followed soon after.
They’re very trying at times, these twins of ours, but it’s moments like that that make it all worth it & that remind me why being their Dad is still the best job in the world ever.
Poor Mummy though! She arrived home after they were fast asleep on my shoulders & so didn’t actually get to see them at all today. She tucked into the dinner I’d left in the oven while I stayed with the sleeping beauties so she could spend some much-needed QT with her friend Dexter.
So: Phew! This is a big week workwise, so I may have to do this again very soon! At least we know we can do it anyway.
There are flights to the North aren’t there? Or maybe we could hire a chopper? Anyone know how much that costs? Sigh…
This post is not only for The Crumby Mummy’s ‘Terrible Twosday’ blog hop but also for this month’s Multiple Mayhem Carnival. Have a look at them both: there are always great posts there! Just ‘click the pics’.
- Flying Solo, in the Dark (whiskeyforaftershave.com)
I was looking through some old videos last night & I came across this gem from May last year:
A room full of toys & they have the most fun with a pair of tights (not mine) left there accidentally – typical!
The music is actually Gustav Holst’s ‘Mars, Bringer of War’ from his Planets suite. Not Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ as I’d originally thought. Oops!
Like this? Try this:
- American Idiots (whiskeyforaftershave.com)
Got a witty, profound or just plain silly caption for this picture? Then leave it in the comments below!
Then click on the little boy’s head here & you will be magically transported to the funsome Mammasaurus’ blog for many more pictures crying out for a witty / pithy #satcap caption. Have fun, I know I do
Remember a few days ago, when we had ‘Sun’ & ‘warmth’? It seems like a long time ago now.
It had a been a lovely warm day & we’d spent much of it playing in the garden, having a great time. So I decided we could have dinner outside. It went well but it was closing in a bit & there was a chilly breeze brewing.
Ellie: “I cold”
Me: “You’re cold?”
Ellie: “Yes. Too windy”
Not exactly Shakespeare, but not bad for a 2-year-old. She’s a good little talker!
Jake is still somewhat obsessed with CBeebies’ Tree Fu Tom. So he, with me of course joining in, very helpfully did a Tree-Fu ‘warming’ spell on Ellie (that we made up). She played along, saying that it had worked & that she was feeling warmer. Unfortunately the effects seem to have been short-lived as she soon became cold again. So we did the spell again: easy!
Then we went inside.
Jake was also using Tree-Fu magic to help the ‘planes overhead fly, but they didn’t tell us whether or not it had worked. They didn’t fall out of the sky, & that was good enough for us.
Now if only we could find that Tree-Fu spell for ‘Making Daddy’s Cough Go Away’…
This is for Chris’ ’Things They Say & Do’ blog hop at her ‘Thinly Spread’ blog. Why not have a look at the other posts there, it’s always a good read!
One of the things you lovely people out there in the blogosphere & the twitterverse may have noticed is that something I sometimes
eloquently articulate upon bang on about with insightful profundity monotonous regularity is music, my love of it, how I listen to it a lot, how my iPod Touch is now up to (just a sec…) 8,735 tracks so far, & how I should have been a singer in a rock’n'roll band. I even have a twitter account specifically for tweeting what I’m playing on my iPod, via YouTube. At least I don’t drunkenly tweet random lyrics late at night anymore as much as I used to…
So it makes sense for me to feature music in my blog. With the sad demise of Musodad’s blog I feel moved to
blatantly take advantage try to pick up where he left off & do a post where I put up a few songs that have recently taken my fancy for one reason or another & write some words about them.
And… some may also have heard me mention that it’s Jallie’s 2nd Birthday today (yay!). So that gives me an obvious theme then for my first, & possibly last:
Warning: may contain traces of soppiness. I’ll try to add a little sarcasm & some bad jokes where appropriate.
Altered Images: Happy Birthday
An obvious place to start: it was either this or the Bjork-lead Sugarcubes’ “Birthday”. Altered Images’ lead singer was the scrumptious Clare Grogan: not only Gregory’s Girl, the object of Dave Lister‘s unrequited love (& the true Kochanski), but also the scourge of Craggy Island & Father Ted when she turned up there to tell him & the boys a thing or 2. So I’ll take her over Bjork any day! Also: Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday” is a bit rubbish. And I don’t care if it’s about Martin Luther King.
U2: Two Hearts (Beat As One)
Say what you like about U2 & Bono, & most of us do, this is just a great rock song; from the pre-Joshua Tree “War” album. You know what I think of now when I hear this? Jake & Ellie inside their Mummy, entwined together, separate yet one, apart but together now & always, like two hearts that beat as one.
There ya go: soppiness, with rock’n'roll!
Steve Miller Band: The Joker
This was Jake’s early theme song. Yes, we give our children theme songs: doesn’t everyone? From a very early age he’s exhibited a terrific sense of humour, getting & making jokes long before we’d have thought a young child would. OK, some of the lyrics aren’t appropriate: if I find he’s a smoker or a midnight toker I may have to have words. And I don’t know what the “pompitous of love” is but I’m pretty sure I disapprove. But it’s a good song.
Elton John: Tiny Dancer
I adore this song: Elton John at his very best. It’s almost worth watching the film “Almost Famous”, about the ’70s music scene, just for the Tiny Dancer sequence. Shows the ’70s wasn’t just prog, punk & disco!
My Tiny Dancer, of course, is Ellie. This was my early theme song for her. She’s loved to dance virtually since she could stand, & has been much better at it than her Dad for at least that time. She’s always sung beautifully too.
I also used to jig her about to this, substituting in “Ellie!” & lifting her high up in the air at the appropriate moment. She loved it! Then she’d usually throw up all over me. Happy Days.
Bob Dylan: Quinn the Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)
Jake’s current theme song: “Come on the juice, come on the cake: you’ll not see nothin’ like the mighty Jake”. He has a great sense of humour; it’s sometimes a mystery where he gets it from…
Donovan: Mellow Yellow
Ellie’s current theme song: “They call her ‘Ellie-belly’ “…
I’m starting to think that the quality of the songs we choose for our children may be on the wane…
From the ridiculous to…
Beyoncé: a bona-fide Superstar, supremely talented, ravishingly beautiful, jaw-droppingly sexy: you name it, she’s got it. And this song is just epic, beautiful & moving. Her music was playing in the operating theatre during their birth, & I’m pretty sure ‘Halo’ was playing as they were delivered into the world. I even gave it its own little post.
I can’t now listen to this already beautiful song without being profoundly moved. It’s Their Song. It always takes me back to those mad, magical moments when they came into the world & into our lives. They were so wanted for so long, & it took so many tears & trials before they finally became a part of us. When they did ‘it was like we’d been awakened’: “Baby, I can see your halo: you know you’re my saving grace”.
Happy Birthday, Jake & Ellie. We love you.
I warned you that there might be soppiness! I can’t think of any sarcasm or bad jokes at this point, sorry. Maybe next week…