The name’s Jallie. Jake & Ellie

Oh, Tara! Putting a howling pun in your latest ‘Gallery’ linky, & on a subject so close to my heart! You must know I couldn’t resist…

Yes, the subject this week is: ‘Bond’.

Not James Bond.

This bond:

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I know I’ve featured this before but it’s my all-time favourite photo. I’m overwhelmed with love & gratitude every time I see it. They’re 1 day old here.

The bond between twins is a bond like no other. I think only twins can really appreciate how precious, how special, it is. Although not a twin myself I have cousins around my age who are, & that’s just what they tell me. It’s a bond that will never be broken, a closeness unmatched.

After all, you can’t get much closer than this:

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They were born together, they live together. For nearly every moment of their lives, awake or asleep, they are together.

They were aware of each other even as little babies. They would reach out to touch each other, & try to communicate. Later on, at an age when children aren’t capable of much more than parallel play, they would try to play with each other. As soon as they were mobile enough they would chase each other. They’d hug & they’d kiss. Now they talk to each other, dance together, sing together, & yes: fight together.

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They’re nearly 3 now & are at an age where they are becoming more independent. They’ve always had quite distinct personalities but as they get older their differences seem to become accentuated. Jake has always been the more affectionate & empathic of the two; it’s usually he who initiates physical affection. Ellie is a little more individualistic; she usually prefers to play by herself & gets irritated when Jake joins in / interferes.

They’re starting to make friends with other children. Up until recently they have always said that the other is their “best friend”; Ellie however now says that a little girl they know from their pre-Nursery group is her best friend.

It’s sad. Especially as I think Jake would still like Ellie to be his best friend. He won’t say it now of course because he isn’t hers any more. I guess it’s just a part of growing up, even growing up together.

Yet despite this their special bond still shines through. When Jake was sick recently Ellie was clearly moved, trying to be as close to him as she could, stroking him, hugging him, trying to make him better. She became distressed when she had to stay with me while he saw doctors with the Mummy. Even this morning when he hurt his finger she was rubbing his arm, showing great concern. Jake is the same with her. They often spontaneously hug,  & dance or sing together.

No matter what I think the twin bond will always be there, & in one way or another they will always have each other.

Jallie: you only live twice. Shaken, not stirred…

Why not have a look at what other bloggers have to say about the bonds in their lives in Tara’s brilliant Gallery? It never disappoints! Just click the pic:

Love and Affection

We’re fans of Attachment Parenting here. Throughout their young lives the only times the twins haven’t been with either me or the Mummy they’ve been with the Mummy’s parents, & even then never for very long. We always try to give them us much attention as we can: to talk to them, listen to them, play with them, laugh with them, comfort them. We feel very lucky that we’re able to spend so much time with them as I know many parents simply aren’t able to, however much they might want to.

Since moving to Wales we’ve been taking them to a kind of pre-Nursery group a few days a week, like Nursery but with fewer children & which seems to get out & about a bit more.

The main difference with this new playgroup, apart from it being more than just the usual hour or so they had before,  is that for most of the time  - for the first time in their lives - we’re not with them. They’ll be going to Nursery soon so we want to get them ready for being in a group with us not there. We’d been worried that they might be distressed there without us: it wasn’t too long ago that they would freak out at a playgroup even if I had to go away for a few minutes to use the loo or to change one of them, although they’ve been OK with that in the last 2/3 months.

So how is it going? I’m actually starting to feel a little redundant! One day last week when the Mummy picked them up Ellie ran over to her, said “Hello Mummy” & gave her a hug then ran back to carry on jumping on the trampoline. Monday she really did not want to leave & went into the biggest meltdown I can remember her having, lasting a good 5 minutes. Van Morrison in the car seemed to calm her down eventually! The woman who runs the group  - let’s call her ‘Karen’ – is terrific & Ellie in particular gets very excited whenever we even mention her name. Hmph! It’s nice to be needed…

This morning when I dropped them off there were 2 other little girls there. Jake went up to 1 of them & gave her a great big hug. She just stood there looking a bit confused: I’ve seen that a lot when the same has happened in other playgroups. Apparently her brother is about Jake’s age & is often quite aggressive with her: she’s more used to being whacked when he doesn’t get what he wants than being hugged.

He’s there too some days, & this morning ‘Karen’ told me that after seeing Jake being so affectionate that he himself has been hugging his sister there, instead of just lashing out. I’m not in the habit of welling up in front of strangers, but… That little guy made me such a proud Dad!

I like to think that his, & Ellie’s, affectionate & sociable nature is in part at least due to the love & attention that they’ve had from us, that the hard work  - if you could call it that – is paying off.

I’m probably being overly simplistic but I think that with children you tend to get back what you put in: give them love & they give love back & are loving to others. If they’re neglected they become insular & nervous. If they grow up with anger they are more likely to become angry & aggressive themselves.

I’m not pretending that they’re little angels – far from it! The do all the normal 2-year-old things like fighting over toys, & lashing out at each other & us in frustration when they can’t get what they want. But the love is there & it shines through every day. And that’s what matters, right?

So how about you? How much time are you able to spend with your children? Do you think it’s as important as I do? Or are things like providing for them materially & keeping a clean & tidy house (which we often don’t!) more important for your family?