If I had a pound for every hour I’ve spent clearing up food & toys from the floor I’d be fat. Or something.

I’d also have jeans that don’t get holes in the knees within a couple of months of purchase.

Found this morning:

• 1 little plastic man, with a swivelling head. Not sure why: he doesn’t look like he’s possessed
• 1 child’s bracelet
• 1 dirty sock, mine
• 1 sheet of star stickers, useful for potty training
• 1 plastic burger
• 1 doll’s T-shirt (very dusty)
• 1 Wizard’s Hat sticker. No idea where that came from. Must be Magic
• Danny Dog & Suzy Sheep. Yes, together. There’s quite a scandal I believe; I’ve heard talk of “grounded for a month”. Poor Peppa is in a state of shock
• Another little plastic man; appears to be a Bavarian tourist. Non-swivelly head
• The obligatory dust & dirt

Not too bad for a whole floor, you say?

Actually, that’s just from under the sofa: the floor was much worse.  And today was a really good day: I’m amazed at how little was there. Not even any leftover food!

I spend an unreasonable amount of time on my hands & knees sweeping under sofas with a broom handle. Not only is there the Daily Sweep, but any time I hear a plaintive cry of “Where’s my <horsey /  airplane / Goldilocks / farmer / hat / pizza / slippers /  blueprint for an inter-stellar spaceship>?!” it’s “Hang on: I’ll get the broom”. And it’s almost invariably there.

So my advice?

For pity’s sake, by all that’s holy, if you can: get a sofa that goes all the way to the floor. ALL THE WAY. No gaps. None. Airtight. Hermetically sealed.

OK? You can thank me later. And buy me a new pair of jeans.