Further Proof That Parenthood is a Form of Insanity?

Now that the new year is established & life is getting back to something approaching normality we’re looking at activities for the twins.

Last year they went to Baby Sensory, a rather naff music group, swimming (until the weather turned nasty), & fortnightly Twins Club.

This year we’re planning to take them out to something – hopefully fun – at least every weekday. Baby Sensory starts again this week, we’ll get them swimming again (they love it), we’re starting them at Gym Babes, we’ve already missed the first Twins Club (we didn’t get the email, somehow) & on the non Twins Club days we’ll pop over to Stay & Play at the local children’s centre. Apparently it’s a Labour government initiative; I didn’t even know about it until recently, forcing me to admit that maybe Gordon got some things right. (Anyone who’d seen some of my pre-election rants may have realised that I really didn’t like the guy…).

But the piece de resistance, the creme de la creme is, (drum roll please): going to Tesco! Yay…! (Yes, you have my permission to say “W.T.F.?!”).

"We're in a trolley, in a supermarket carpark: it just doesn't get any better than this!"

It was their first time shopping with us in a supermarket: they loved it. They seemed to love being chauffeur-driven around, they always love being around other people, there were a lot of other families with babies & children there, lots of new things to look at, new places to see.

We had lunch in the cafe: we weren’t too impressed with the food or the service, but they had lots of comfy high chairs: again they seemed to really enjoy themselves. Although next time we’re going to the Costa they have there…

I used to loathe going to a busy supermarket, but AJ (After Jallie)  – as with so many other things in my life – that phobia has largely gone. I actually enjoyed going to that often awful place doing the smegging weekly shopping with the little guys. Mostly, that is.

At 1 point I went off to get  “wholemeal pitta bread & some organic avocadoes”; I was all the time thinking “Could we possibly get more middle-class?!” (The answer of course is “Yes: by getting the same stuff in Waitrose“…).

So that’s my weekly routine sorted then, for the time being. What’s yours?

I’m not fat, I’m sympathetically pregnant!

My wife’s put on weight!

Have I mentioned that she’s pregnant? With twins?

Anyone who’s experienced it will know that food plays a big part in pregnancy. She’s been eating for 3 for 7 ½ months, & to start with at least, her 2 small guests  seemed to have weird taste in food.

For the first couple of months she seemed to have become a weird foodie bulimic. The growing babies seemed to need  – for her – unsusal food. The cravings weren’t too weird, but they were definitely strong.  Mostly unhealthy stuff, when she’s usually pretty good about eating lots of fruit & vege: McD’s, pop; & unusual (& often smelly) stuff like Piccalily, kippers, cockles; lots of baguettes & cream cheese. (Note: never cook kippers in the office microwave; it doesn’t make you very popular. I was made redundant soon after I did that & I don’t think it was a coincidence).

Luckily we’re staggering distance from a Tesco Express: I was going there 3-4 x a day (still am actually),  and I’ve had to make quite a few midnight runs to McD’s or the chippy.

The worst thing was that nothing stayed down, for the 1st month or 2, along with the cravings, she had  hyperemesis – severe ‘morning sickness’. She talked on the Big White Telephone so loudly that our well-meaning neighbours thought she had Swine Flu; we nearly had a big cross daubed on the door!

After several trips to the local (& excellent) 24-hour clinic, & after several false starts she finally found some medication that kept everything in check. We also had some great help from some terrific twitter people. especially @cosmicgirlie & @LuceKD.

2nd trimester she decided she needed to eat more healthily: lots more fruit & vege, less junk food. For 2 months in a row, despite 2 rapidly growing little people inside her & all the stuff that goes with them, she actually lost weight! I am often in awe of her.

In the last trimester they have exploded  – a week ago they weighed in at over 10lbs – but her healthy eating has more or less continued.

I’m a bloke. (I may have mentioned that). I’m not particularly good with food: I can cook, but I lack imagination. If left to my own devices I’ll skip breakfast & just have toast for lunch. Apart from that, I’ll mostly eat what she does. If she has junk food, so do I.

Throughout the pregnancy we’ve had several health scares; my wife’s hyperemesis was distressing. Mostly as I felt that at any time I may have to drive to the hospital or off to gather food, I haven’t been drinking so much.

So in reaction to stress, I’ve been eating. I’ve always had a sweet tooth, but it seems to have gone beyond anything normal to real cravings.

Bottom line: I’ve put on quite a bit of weight!

We’re eating good healthy dinners, & fruit in between, but for me it’s a daily struggle to not grab that chocolate / those biscuits / jelly beans / whatever. And I seem to have no will-power: if it’s there, I’ll scoff it; I don’t seem to be able to eat a little at a time, & save it for later.

I’ve decided I’m sympathetically pregnant: it’s my story & I’m sticking to it!

It’s probably nature’s way of fattening me up ready for carting 2 rapidly growing little people up & down stairs, in & out of cots, buggies, baths, etc., etc. I expect the pounds will fall off! I feel exhausted just thinking about it: where’s that Mars Bar?!

title courtesy of Cartman