The Best Advice I Can Give to Parents of Small Children

If I had a pound for every hour I’ve spent clearing up food & toys from the floor I’d be fat. Or something.

I’d also have jeans that don’t get holes in the knees within a couple of months of purchase.

Found this morning:

  • 1 little plastic man, with a swivelling head. Not sure why: he doesn’t look like he’s possessed
  • 1 child’s bracelet
  • 1 dirty sock, mine
  • 1 sheet of star stickers, useful for potty training
  • 1 plastic burger
  • 1 doll’s T-shirt (very dusty)
  • 1 Wizard’s Hat sticker. No idea where that came from. Must be Magic
  • Danny Dog & Suzy Sheep. Yes, together. There’s quite a scandal I believe; I’ve heard talk of “grounded for a month”. Poor Peppa is in a state of shock
  • Another little plastic man; appears to be a Bavarian tourist. Non-swivelly head
  • The obligatory dust & dirt

Not too bad for a whole floor, you say?

Actually, that’s just from under the sofa: the floor was much worse.  And today was a really good day: I’m amazed at how little was there. Not even any leftover food!

I spend an unreasonable amount of time on my hands & knees sweeping under sofas with a broom handle. Not only is there the Daily Sweep, but any time I hear a plaintive cry of “Where’s my <horsey /  airplane / Goldilocks / farmer / hat / pizza / slippers /  blueprint for an inter-stellar spaceship>?!” it’s “Hang on: I’ll get the broom”. And it’s almost invariably there.

So my advice?

For pity’s sake, by all that’s holy, if you can: get a sofa that goes all the way to the floor. ALL THE WAY. No gaps. None. Airtight. Hermetically sealed.

OK? You can thank me later. And buy me a new pair of jeans.

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3 thoughts on “The Best Advice I Can Give to Parents of Small Children”

  1. Your advice mirrors my experience.
    Just this morning I spent too long gazing at the first sign of a hole appearing in my two month old ( and only) pair of jeans. Roll on the summer, and shorts- knee skin just regenerates, unlike denim.

    A tip though- only clear out under the sofa every month or so.
    That way any finds can be recycled with the useful phrase ‘hey kids, here’s some new toys’.

    1. Nice to know I’m not alone.

      I like your strategy! I’m not sure it would work here though: they notice missing toys. They’re onto me!

      Could be worth a try though, thanks

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