My life, now

For the last 2 days I’ve been at the old house near Brum.

I drove there from here in south Wales yesterday, drove back today.

Just got in, actually.

On the drive in, especially, it didn’t feel safe. I was in our second car, the one without the car-seats. Our old Ka, probably soon to be any-car-dot-commed.

Particularly on the M4 I could feel myself being blown around by the gusty winds, even while driving slowly. Then once in England the roads became icy, with drifting snow, & snow falling onto me from trucks & cars in front. Then approaching Birmingham there was dirty sleet & salt from the road spraying the windscreen & making it hard to see.

Thoughts go through your head at times like these, unbidden. You try to ignore them but they’re there anyway, forcing themselves to the surface, tugging away at your consciousness.

“What-if” type thoughts.

A few years ago it would have been: “I’m too young to die!”

A bit later: “I don’t want to die!”

But the thought that comes now is: “Jake and Ellie can’t lose their father!”

Right foot eases up, left foot ready, eyes alert…

Times change, and life goes on


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