Jake & Ellie
Being happy Together
Not moving Together
Being serious Together
Being silly Together
Best Friends Forever Together!
This post is part of ‘The Gallery’ at the ‘Sticky Fingers’ blog. For more Togetherness click the pic:
Oh, Tara! Putting a howling pun in your latest ‘Gallery’ linky, & on a subject so close to my heart! You must know I couldn’t resist…
Yes, the subject this week is: ‘Bond’.
Not James Bond.
The bond between twins is a bond like no other. I think only twins can really appreciate how precious, how special, it is. Although not a twin myself I have cousins around my age who are, & that’s just what they tell me. It’s a bond that will never be broken, a closeness unmatched.
After all, you can’t get much closer than this:
They were born together, they live together. For nearly every moment of their lives, awake or asleep, they are together.
They were aware of each other even as little babies. They would reach out to touch each other, & try to communicate. Later on, at an age when children aren’t capable of much more than parallel play, they would try to play with each other. As soon as they were mobile enough they would chase each other. They’d hug & they’d kiss. Now they talk to each other, dance together, sing together, & yes: fight together.
They’re nearly 3 now & are at an age where they are becoming more independent. They’ve always had quite distinct personalities but as they get older their differences seem to become accentuated. Jake has always been the more affectionate & empathic of the two; it’s usually he who initiates physical affection. Ellie is a little more individualistic; she usually prefers to play by herself & gets irritated when Jake joins in / interferes.
They’re starting to make friends with other children. Up until recently they have always said that the other is their “best friend”; Ellie however now says that a little girl they know from their pre-Nursery group is her best friend.
It’s sad. Especially as I think Jake would still like Ellie to be his best friend. He won’t say it now of course because he isn’t hers any more. I guess it’s just a part of growing up, even growing up together.
Yet despite this their special bond still shines through. When Jake was sick recently Ellie was clearly moved, trying to be as close to him as she could, stroking him, hugging him, trying to make him better. She became distressed when she had to stay with me while he saw doctors with the Mummy. Even this morning when he hurt his finger she was rubbing his arm, showing great concern. Jake is the same with her. They often spontaneously hug, & dance or sing together.
No matter what I think the twin bond will always be there, & in one way or another they will always have each other.
Jallie: you only live twice. Shaken, not stirred…
Why not have a look at what other bloggers have to say about the bonds in their lives in Tara’s brilliant Gallery? It never disappoints! Just click the pic:
We’re fans of Attachment Parenting here. Throughout their young lives the only times the twins haven’t been with either me or the Mummy they’ve been with the Mummy’s parents, & even then never for very long. We always try to give them us much attention as we can: to talk to them, listen to them, play with them, laugh with them, comfort them. We feel very lucky that we’re able to spend so much time with them as I know many parents simply aren’t able to, however much they might want to.
Since moving to Wales we’ve been taking them to a kind of pre-Nursery group a few days a week, like Nursery but with fewer children & which seems to get out & about a bit more.
The main difference with this new playgroup, apart from it being more than just the usual hour or so they had before, is that for most of the time – for the first time in their lives – we’re not with them. They’ll be going to Nursery soon so we want to get them ready for being in a group with us not there. We’d been worried that they might be distressed there without us: it wasn’t too long ago that they would freak out at a playgroup even if I had to go away for a few minutes to use the loo or to change one of them, although they’ve been OK with that in the last 2/3 months.
So how is it going? I’m actually starting to feel a little redundant! One day last week when the Mummy picked them up Ellie ran over to her, said “Hello Mummy” & gave her a hug then ran back to carry on jumping on the trampoline. Monday she really did not want to leave & went into the biggest meltdown I can remember her having, lasting a good 5 minutes. Van Morrison in the car seemed to calm her down eventually! The woman who runs the group – let’s call her ‘Karen’ – is terrific & Ellie in particular gets very excited whenever we even mention her name. Hmph! It’s nice to be needed…
This morning when I dropped them off there were 2 other little girls there. Jake went up to 1 of them & gave her a great big hug. She just stood there looking a bit confused: I’ve seen that a lot when the same has happened in other playgroups. Apparently her brother is about Jake’s age & is often quite aggressive with her: she’s more used to being whacked when he doesn’t get what he wants than being hugged.
He’s there too some days, & this morning ‘Karen’ told me that after seeing Jake being so affectionate that he himself has been hugging his sister there, instead of just lashing out. I’m not in the habit of welling up in front of strangers, but… That little guy made me such a proud Dad!
I like to think that his, & Ellie’s, affectionate & sociable nature is in part at least due to the love & attention that they’ve had from us, that the hard work – if you could call it that – is paying off.
I’m probably being overly simplistic but I think that with children you tend to get back what you put in: give them love & they give love back & are loving to others. If they’re neglected they become insular & nervous. If they grow up with anger they are more likely to become angry & aggressive themselves.
I’m not pretending that they’re little angels – far from it! The do all the normal 2-year-old things like fighting over toys, & lashing out at each other & us in frustration when they can’t get what they want. But the love is there & it shines through every day. And that’s what matters, right?
So how about you? How much time are you able to spend with your children? Do you think it’s as important as I do? Or are things like providing for them materially & keeping a clean & tidy house (which we often don’t!) more important for your family?
Like this? You may also like:
- What is Attachment Parenting? (ivillage.com)
Yep, dual-posting today: from my 3BT blog
Yesterday while we were watching “In the Night Garden” on cbeebies Jake grabbed my hand & traced his finger over my palm. I didn’t realise it at first but he was copying the opening sequence where a parent draws circles on their baby’s palm to calm them ready for sleep. Gorgeous.
This morning he walked up to me & said “gabba gabba Ellie”. I asked him to say it again, & he did, & I made out the word “like”. A 3rd time & I realised he was saying “I like Ellie”. When I let him know that I understood he smiled, said “yeah”, nodding, walked over to her & gave her a great big hug. I’m astonished at how socially aware, & affectionate, he is: not even 23 months yet!
In a slightly desperate move, given that they’d missed not only their nap but also their regular playgroup, & hadn’t had the attention from me that they would normally (it’s been one of ‘those’ days) I let them have a wander around outside in the icy, frozen tundra that at present passes for our garden. Jake especially was fascinated by how the water in the pond & elsewhere is now solid & frozen.
They were in amazingly good moods considering the day we’ve had, especially when the Mummy came home.
OK, now that the boring ads are over, the band has finished playing, the cheerpersons have strutted their stuff & someone has sung very badly (sorry about that), & you’re settled down again with cups of tea / beers / absinthe etc. here now is Jallie’s State of Play: the 2nd Half!
Talking. Both say “Daddy / Dadda” when happy & cry “Mummy / Mama” when in need of comforting. It’s not entirely clear if they know which of us is which. Jake says something like “ball”, by which he seems to mean “something I can throw”. Ellie seems to be able to say my name, & last night we think she may have said “good girl” – the Mummy’s first words :). They both have quite a range of noises which can be easily interpreted: happy, annoyed, excited, determined etc.
Result: A score draw
Jake 5, Ellie 5
Playing. Jake doesn’t mean to be but he can be a bit rough, especially as he’s quite a bit bigger, heavier & stronger than Ellie. He pulls her hair, out of curiosity, & tries to nick whatever she’s playing with. They used to like to wrestle – until Jake ended up on top, Ellie got a bit squished & got scared. He will quite happily play on his own though; when he isn’t tired or hungry he can be quite independent.
Ellie has recently been getting her own back by pulling his hair too, & has been known to very stealthily nick his toys also. She badly needs company though & will cry when left alone. More of a thrillseeker than Jake: loves being thrown in the air & carried on my shoulders.
Result: Ellie by a hair, or two
Jake 5, Ellie 6
Affection. Jake actively seeks out hugs, holding his arms up, then wrapping them around your neck while he puts his head on your shoulder. He also tries to give big wet kisses, but they’re best avoided. Think Homer Simpson in close-up going in for the kill with Marge – with extra drool…
Ellie is wonderfully affectionate too, especially when she’s tired & nuzzles into your shoulder for a sleep. She’s only just started looking for cuddles though.
Result: A big wet kiss for Jake
Jake 6, Ellie 6
Sense of Humour. Even from a very early age Jake has had a fantastic sense of humour. He can find fun in almost anything. He can actually genuinely make me laugh, in a proper adult way & not just a “oh how cute, look at what the little baby is doing” way.
Ellie has in the last month or so really come on in finding fun, & laughing at & making jokes.
Result: Almost from birth his theme song was “The Joker”: the gig is Jake’s
Jake 7, Ellie 6
Sociability. Both babies are very friendly, crawling up to other adults & being friendly. Jake usually exudes a studied curiosity, but Ellie always charms with her gorgeous smile.
Result: winning by a smile, Ellie.
Jake 7, Ellie 7
Well, it was always going to be a draw wasn’t it? You can’t have favouritism with twins!
Since I started writing this – probably just to make a monkey out of me, which they’re very good at – Ellie has started standing up with no support…