Good News & Bad News

Well, I have good news & bad news…

The bad news?

Just when we thought he was on the mend from this bug, if that’s what it is,  Jake did what is probably the Worst. Vomit. Ever.

The good news?

It wasn’t me who was holding him at the time.

At least Ellie only had it for only a day, & it got me only once.

The Mummy however hasn’t had it at all.

At least, not directly…

  • Funky! (whiskeyforaftershave.com)
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Current State of Play: The 2nd Half

OK, now that the boring ads are over, the band has finished playing, the cheerpersons have strutted their stuff & someone has sung very badly (sorry about that), & you’re settled down again with cups of tea / beers / absinthe etc. here now is Jallie’s State of Play: the 2nd Half!

Talking. Both say  “Daddy / Dadda” when happy & cry “Mummy / Mama” when in need of comforting. It’s not entirely clear if they know which of us is which. Jake says something like “ball”, by which he seems to mean “something I can throw”. Ellie seems to be able to say my name, & last night we think she may have said “good girl”  – the Mummy’s first words :). They both have quite a range of noises which can be easily interpreted: happy, annoyed, excited, determined etc.

Result: A score draw

Jake 5, Ellie 5

Playing. Jake doesn’t mean to be but he can be a bit rough, especially as he’s quite a bit bigger, heavier & stronger than Ellie. He pulls her hair, out of curiosity, & tries to nick whatever she’s playing with. They used to like to wrestle – until Jake ended up on top, Ellie got a bit squished & got scared. He will quite happily play on his own though; when he isn’t tired or hungry he can be quite independent.

Ellie has recently been getting her own back by pulling his hair too, & has been known to very stealthily nick his toys also. She badly needs company though & will cry when left alone. More of a thrillseeker than Jake: loves being thrown in the air & carried on my shoulders.

Result: Ellie by a hair, or two

Jake 5, Ellie 6

Affection. Jake actively seeks out hugs, holding his arms up, then wrapping them around your neck while he puts his head on your shoulder. He also tries to give big wet kisses, but they’re best avoided. Think Homer Simpson in close-up going in for the kill with Marge – with extra drool…

Ellie is wonderfully affectionate too, especially when she’s tired & nuzzles into your shoulder for a sleep. She’s only just started looking for cuddles though.

Result: A big wet kiss for Jake

Jake 6, Ellie 6

Sense of Humour. Even from a very early age Jake has had a fantastic sense of humour. He can find fun in almost anything. He can actually genuinely make me laugh, in a proper adult way & not just a “oh how cute, look at what the little baby is doing” way.

Ellie has in the last month or so really come on in finding fun, & laughing at & making  jokes.

Result: Almost from birth his theme song was “The Joker”: the gig is Jake’s

Jake 7, Ellie 6

Sociability. Both babies are very friendly, crawling up to other adults & being friendly. Jake usually exudes a studied curiosity, but Ellie always charms with her gorgeous smile.

Result: winning by a smile, Ellie.

Jake 7, Ellie 7

Well, it was always going to be a draw wasn’t it? You can’t have favouritism with twins!

Since I started writing this – probably just to make a monkey out of me, which they’re very good at – Ellie has started standing up with no support

 

Flying Solo

On Thursday I looked after the twins for a full day on my own for the first time.

From 6.30 a.m. to 6.30 p.m., without a break.

The Mummy is still on Maternity Leave, but she wanted to go in to work to take part in interviewing for a senior post, someone she’d be working closely with. Obviously she wanted to have a say in who it would be.

I’ve worked in the high-stress, competitive environment that is the City, & in pressurised, busy restaurant kitchens. But this child-care is by far the most demanding job I’ve ever had!

So: parents & carers, especially you Mothers, take note: the next time someone (usually a smug bloke, right?) implies that you’ve got it easy & that you should try working in a ‘proper job’ (whatever that is) – just send them to me, OK?

Jallie decided to make it extra hard for me by, unusually, napping at different – & odd – times. I wonder if the disruption of the Mummy not being around at all had unsettled them, although generally they were in a good mood. Usually you can count on having at least a break in the afternoon & often also the morning as they nap. Not a bit of it for me!

Feeding them both at once (before their morning nap) was difficult. I somehow managed to get them on a knee each, wrapping an arm around them & holding a bottle in each mouth. (I wonder if we’ll eventually evolve an extra arm or 2? I sure could do with that!). I then managed to lower Jake into a cot, then Ellie into the other. She wasn’t happy, so I picked her up again & lay with her on a futon mattress we’ve laid on the bedroom floor. She fell asleep almost straight away. This is a girl who really needs company!

After making sure the room was safe I went back to Jake, who was grizzling. I tried to settle him on the spare bed but he just wasn’t interested. So he stayed up & we played. Ellie ended up sleeping for nearly 2 1/2 hours – incredible!

Lunch was late because of this, & they ate well. Jake! He was actually falling asleep in his high-chair! His poor little head kept falling onto the tray, messy as it was. He’s never done that before, nor has Ellie! So I had to unstrap him, leaving Ellie alone (which she loathes), take him back upstairs & settle him in a cot. He went down straight away, fortunately.

Back to Ellie to finish her lunch, then I even managed to clear up & load the dishwasher! Then into the lounge for some play (while I had the cricket on :)).

Jake however only slept for half an hour. When he awoke I had to give him the rest of his lunch. Because the kitchen/diner floor is slate & too hard for just-walking babies to fall on, if I was to feed Jake in there I’d have to strap Ellie back in the high-chair. Without more food, I’d give that about 2 minutes before grumpiness ensued. So that was out. I ended up carrying a high-chair into the lounge & feeding Jake there while Ellie played happily on the floor, with a snack so she didn’t feel too left out. Everyone wins!

No-one wanted an afternoon nap! Except me. I actually ended up napping on the nursery floor, while energetic twin babies climbed & jumped all over me. I had to lie on my side in order to avoid being choked & castrated…

Up until then I’d been thinking that despite everything it was going remarkably well, much easier than I expected! I just conked out. In hindsight I think I was starting to get this lurgee that’s been going around, a congesty sinnussy thing; I had a temperature the next day.

Tea is normally at 5pm. Ellie fell asleep on my shoulder at 4.30. Great…

She lasted 45 minutes, but it again meant that their meal was late, although – again – it went surprisingly well.

After tea we played until the Mummy came back at 6.30. Boy we we glad to see her, especially Jake! I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so excited! He kept leaping on her, screeching with excitement, turning around, & then doing it again. Ellie of course was also really pleased, but in her typically gentler way 🙂

I had a brief, much welcome, break then we settled them to bed for the night – thankfully they both went down quickly.

We live in a tall, thin 3-storey house. The nursery, cots & changing table are at the top; kitchen/diner & lounge at the bottom. I lost count of the number of times I carried them, 1 at a time of course, up & down the stairs. I was shattered! My arms &  shoulders still ache. Although this lurgee I’m sure has a lot to do with that.

We’re planning to work part-time on alternate days come April, so I’ll have to get used to this. I really need to figure out ways to make it easier though.

I’m thinking Bungalows. Yep, a Bungalow would be a great. Anyone got one they want to sell?

Dear So & So: Violence, Legal Action & Security. Plus Some Nice Birdies

Dear So and So...

Dear Jallie babies

Thank you for respecting my request for a lessening of the bollocks-kicking activity. I think I’m on the mend now.

However when you wake up overnight & we’re good enough to let you sleep with us, please don’t wake me up at 5am with kung-fu kicks to my head.  Not hitting me while I’m trying to get you back to sleep would be nice too. And I know it’s with open palms, but it still kinda hurts.  (Yes, I’m looking at you, Jake…).

Love,

Bruised Daddy

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NHS logo
Image via Wikipedia

Dear Good Hope Hospital

I think a rebranding exercise is in order, don’t you? You need a brand, an identity, that more accurately reflects who you are & what you have to offer the British public.

I suggest: “No Hope Hospital”.

Or how about “Bloody Hopeless”?

I even have a slogan worked out for you. Writ large over your front entrance: “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”.

Otherwise  someone may sue you under the Trades Descriptions Act.

It won’t be me ‘though: I’m already busy suing you under every other Law I can think of, you nasty psychopath.

You are a disgrace. It’s places like you that give the NHS a bad name…*

Sore Daddy. But you may call me “The Plaintiff”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chris Packham
Image via Wikipedia

Dear Chris Packham & the Autumnwatch team

Thank you for your earlier suggestions for bird-foods for this time of year. They’ve gone down very well here, especially those niger seeds.

Did you mention sunflower hearts too? Also mixes specifically for ground-feeding birds? They’re also very popular here.

There are a lot of happier & less hungry birds here now thanks to you, & to shops like Wilkinsons & Tesco who stock their food

Birdy Daddy

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Jallie

Sorry to bother you again.

Just an update on the security situation.

We’ve got some nice new door gates so we don’t keep having to keep all your doors shut, shutting out that nice shiny light that you like & making us all feel a bit claustrophobic. Or piling doorways with Pampers box bunkers  that would make a World War 1 soldier proud, or your old Moses basket full of toys. Especially as you eventually seem to be able to figure out how to get through them. You little monkeys!
We also now have bed-guards, so we can all co-sleep together instead of Mummy & Daddy having 1 of you each surrounded by, admittedly impressive,  pillow fortresses. If you rolled over onto a wooden floor you really wouldn’t be very happy, trust me! And neither would we.

Now, I know you don’t like being penned in; but it’s for your own safety, honestly. One day you’ll understand.

Also: I’m nearly finished converting the storage room into a big old play room: you’ll love it, believe me!

Love,

Safety-conscious Daddy

"We shall, we shall be FREE!!"

* I have to point out that whenever we’ve had problems or health concerns with Jallie they’ve been excellent. And the surgical team who delivered them were outstanding. So I guess they’re not all bad. My main problem is with its administration & the admin staff; they’re just abysmal.

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Further Proof That Parenthood is a Form of Insanity?

Now that the new year is established & life is getting back to something approaching normality we’re looking at activities for the twins.

Last year they went to Baby Sensory, a rather naff music group, swimming (until the weather turned nasty), & fortnightly Twins Club.

This year we’re planning to take them out to something – hopefully fun – at least every weekday. Baby Sensory starts again this week, we’ll get them swimming again (they love it), we’re starting them at Gym Babes, we’ve already missed the first Twins Club (we didn’t get the email, somehow) & on the non Twins Club days we’ll pop over to Stay & Play at the local children’s centre. Apparently it’s a Labour government initiative; I didn’t even know about it until recently, forcing me to admit that maybe Gordon got some things right. (Anyone who’d seen some of my pre-election rants may have realised that I really didn’t like the guy…).

But the piece de resistance, the creme de la creme is, (drum roll please): going to Tesco! Yay…! (Yes, you have my permission to say “W.T.F.?!”).

"We're in a trolley, in a supermarket carpark: it just doesn't get any better than this!"

It was their first time shopping with us in a supermarket: they loved it. They seemed to love being chauffeur-driven around, they always love being around other people, there were a lot of other families with babies & children there, lots of new things to look at, new places to see.

We had lunch in the cafe: we weren’t too impressed with the food or the service, but they had lots of comfy high chairs: again they seemed to really enjoy themselves. Although next time we’re going to the Costa they have there…

I used to loathe going to a busy supermarket, but AJ (After Jallie)  – as with so many other things in my life – that phobia has largely gone. I actually enjoyed going to that often awful place doing the smegging weekly shopping with the little guys. Mostly, that is.

At 1 point I went off to get  “wholemeal pitta bread & some organic avocadoes”; I was all the time thinking “Could we possibly get more middle-class?!” (The answer of course is “Yes: by getting the same stuff in Waitrose“…).

So that’s my weekly routine sorted then, for the time being. What’s yours?